This has the potential of being a very short blog entry. I could just say "Do it anyway" and leave it at that. But I'm writing this for posterity sake, and when I'm old and dead it will be difficult to share this with them. Also, I'm once again doing this for a school assignment. I'll get a crummy grade if I don't flesh out my thoughts better than that.
For the record, this is a really hard thing for me to do. I struggle long and hard to find the words that accurately express what I mean. I look forward to the day when some genius comes along and invents a mind reading device I can plug into my brain that will download everything I've learned, all of the thoughts and impressions I've had on an assignment, then sends it directly to the teacher's computer. How incredibly cool would that be!?
Yeah, I know. S'not gonna happen (that's what tissues are for).
I've known for a long time what the final "D" would represent. "Do it anyway" has been my favorite mantra for many years. And yes, it conveniently starts with a "D", so bonus points for that. This mantra has kept me going when I was worn out. It would also inspire me further when I was on a roll.
The original quote I had hanging on my wall was just "Do it" (not to be confused with "Just do it" of Nike fame, which is not to be confused with Nike, god of delivering lovely bouquets when you're in the dog house with your wife - but I digress.) Sometimes this quote was inspiring to me, but other times it was very VERY frustrating. I would hit a brick wall, failing to accomplish a task successfully, and I would hear the phrase "Do it" in my head. I would grit my teeth in frustration and exclaim "but it's not WORKING!" The answer I would always hear in response to my whiny comeback was a calm and patient "Do it anyway".
The more I heard this in my mind and pondered it's meaning, the more I appreciated the power that lay behind it, especially for coping with the challenges of ADD. Falling back on that mantra has inspired me to push through and keep believing that excellence was possible when I couldn't see the point of trying anymore. I am coming to learn that it doesn't matter if someone else does it faster, better, more eloquently, or even if I feel like I'm making absolutely no progress at all, it is my job to do it anyway. I've often felt like Sisyphus, pushing a giant boulder up a hill only to have it roll back down again. But then we all know the advantages of working out. We get stronger.
Over time I am beginning to see how not giving up, in and of itself, IS to succeed.
And the best example of this is plain to see in the life of the greatest success story of us all: Jesus Christ.
For the past several days I've been studying the life of the Savior more intensely. I wanted to come to know him better with the goal of increasing my faith in him through the power of his example. I'm also seeking ways to rehabilitate my flabby confidence. ADD is killer on the ego, which as I explained in my previous post can be a protection. The disadvantage is it can also drag you down when you're tempted to dwell on that stupid rock that you're stuck perpetually pushing, if you let it. And I recognize now - today in fact - that I've been doing this for a very long time.
One trait that I've come to deeply admire in Christ is how he submitted his will to his Father in Heaven's will. As I've studied the life of Christ, I've been recognizing how this was possible for him: he knew and trusted his father completely, from a very early stage of his life. I am realizing that what I was really seeking for as I studied his life was to not only know, but also to trust the Savior better - to have CONFIDENCE in him - so that I too might have that faith to live my life in complete submission to God's will.
...which, ironically enough, is both liberating and empowering at the same time. I can be at peace when I KNOW the God in whom I put my trust. But I still have my agency to choose; I'm just making choices more in harmony with His will because I find myself wanting the same things He wants for me. Christ lived his life in perfect harmony with his Father's will; he wants me to follow his example..
Yes, ADD is what I was born with. I don't know why this is so. I don't understand exactly what it is, despite having studied it for a very long time. I don't know what success for me is going to look like to the rest of the world, but I DO know what it's going to look like before God. Therefore it should look the same to me as well. When I die, I want to look down on my grave and see written on my tombstone these words:
"She did it anyway".
To conclude this "short" blog post (I tried, truly) I'd like to share my favorite poem to go along with my favorite mantra. Mother Teresa supposedly wrote this, and I absolutely LOVE it. You can probably guess why:
"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
I'm going to add a line of my own here:
If I submit myself to God,
and all He would inflict on me (including ADD),
becoming as a little child;
becoming like the Savior,
praying for the strength to DO, even when it doesn't seem to be doing any good,
the world will hate me for His sake.
Do it anyway.
